Utah man: School mascot phoenix sounds too much like 'penis'

Remigio Civitarese
Novembre 15, 2017

FARMINGTON, Utah -A petition that aims to change the mascot of a high school being built in Utah has already gained thousands of signatures.

After Farmington High School's choice of mascot, the Phoenix, was named November 1, Kyle Fraughton, a parent of future Farmington students, joined his neighbors to practice cheering for the new team.

Fraughton expounded on that idea in the Salt Lake Tribune, saying, "I have no interest in my daughter or my son playing sports and getting referred to as something like a penis". We cheered, "Go Phoenixes!" So we changed our cheer to, "Go Phoenices!"

Neither Kyle Fraughton nor the school district responded to Mashable's request for comment before the time of publication. He's just the overwhelmingly handsome immortal bird to convince these Concerned Parents that Phoenixes, or Phoenices, or, sure, The Phoenix, are f*cking awesome, even if, okay, the plural form of their name does sorta maybe kinda sound like a dick if you wanted to hear it that way.

The word's similarity to "penises" apparently got him and his fellow cool dads a-gigglin', and soon thereafter, he launched a petition asking the school to change the name. "I don't mean to be crass, but don't want there to be confusion around the point I am trying to make", Fraughton wrote on his Change.org petition. I've got bad news. As happened to my neighbors and me, high school kids will take a quick trip to Google or WordHippo to learn that Phoenices is a plural form of the word. They're just gonna call them penises.

"We do use the mascots in their plural form but just saying phoenix even sounds wonderful", said Burgoyne. But Fraughton's fears have not been assuaged.

"There are many people who find this type of thing amusing, and all it will take is one person to figure it out before it goes viral", Fraughton writes in his petition. None of these schools experienced the grievances predicted by Fraughton, in spite of referring to "phoenices" or "phoenixes". At publication time, almost 3,000 people have signed the petition for a new school mascot.

He also pointed out that five other schools in the district had a phoenix as their mascot. Each of those schools use the singular version as well and haven't had to deal with Fraughton's worst case scenario, which I imagine is a stadium full of children screaming "PENISES" and throwing dildos at his children. You don't want to be the Farmington Farmers.

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